← All posts · thoughtfulness · December 16, 2020
Does Being Thoughtful Actually Make You Happier?
Science says yes. 40% of our happiness comes from intentional acts — and thoughtfulness activates the reward center in your brain. Here's what that means for you.
Is it possible that by being more thoughtful to the people in your life, you're giving yourself a happiness boost? Research says yes.
The 40% You Can Control
In 2007, researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, in her book The How of Happiness, showed that 40% of our happiness comes from intentional acts that better our well-being. The other 60% is either genetic or environmental.
We can't change genetics (not yet, anyway), and we can't always change our environment — so why not focus on making intentional choices that actually increase our happiness?
Science has also linked longevity to happiness. So happiness and how long you live can both be increased by taking a more thoughtful, intentional approach to life.
Your Brain on Thoughtfulness
In this TED talk, researcher Michael Norton discusses an interesting phenomenon that happens when we give to others.
When you're thoughtful to someone, a part of your brain called the striatum lights up. Scientists have literally found the feeling of happiness in our brains — the striatum is one of the regions that activates when we find something rewarding.
When you do a kind or thoughtful act for someone and you feel that warm glow inside? That's your striatum talking. You may not have an MRI handy to confirm it, but the feeling is the signal.
The Return on Kindness
Other research is starting to show that targeted affection — the kind you give to family and your closest relationships — may be even more effective for generating happiness. Part of that is because of the reciprocal nature of giving.
"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." — The Beatles
Giving and thoughtfulness should be offered without expectation. But the truth is: you tend to get back what you give out.
Even the most basic actions prove it:
- Smiling at a baby makes her smile back.
- A wave to someone prompts them to return the gesture.
- Tucking in your child at night creates a bond and a felt sense of love.
- Checking in on an elderly family member is the right thing to do — and it feels good.
- Spending time with family can be a huge happiness boost (most of the time).
How do you respond when someone's kind to you? Most people feel a strong pull to return the gesture. That feedback loop — you give, they respond, you respond back — is often where our closest relationships thrive.
The Problem Is Time, Not Intention
With rare exceptions, everyone I talk to wants to be happier. And in talking to hundreds of people about what keeps them from being more thoughtful, the answer is almost always the same: they would be more thoughtful if it was easier.
Thoughtfulness and kindness — especially unmerited — have a profound effect on happiness, well-being, self-image, and outlook. Being thoughtful really does make you happier.
So get out there and do a few kind acts for the people closest to you. The world will be a little better because of it, and you'll get a nice return on the investment: your own happiness.
y:MT is a free app that takes the hard work out of being thoughtful. It remembers every birthday and anniversary, keeps a living profile of the people you love, suggests gift ideas, and writes heartfelt messages for you in under a minute. Try y:MT — free →
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What Does It Really Mean to Be a Thoughtful Person?
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The Thoughtful Partner's Holiday Plan: Thanksgiving to Valentine's in 5 Small Moves
Thanksgiving to Valentine's is where good intentions go to die. Five small, dated moves that make you look effortlessly thoughtful.