← All posts · thoughtfulness · October 29, 2020
What Does It Really Mean to Be a Thoughtful Person?
The dictionary gets it wrong. Thoughtfulness without action is just good intention — and good intentions never changed the world. A better definition.
Today's world offers so many distractions that can divide your attention, watering it down until you have no time left. Work, relationships, parenting, politics, world events, social media — all of it competes for your time and headspace. If it's this hard to dedicate time to your own wants and needs, how are you supposed to be thoughtful of others?
The Dictionary Gets It Wrong
A typical dictionary definition of a thoughtful person goes something like this:
A person that considers other people's needs.
Technically correct — but it falls short. Thoughtfulness without action is just good intention. And good intentions never changed the world.
When was the last time someone said to you, "Oh, you're so thoughtful"? I'm certain it wasn't because you were thinking about all the wonderful things you might do for them. Thoughtful people are recognized because they act on thoughtfulness.
So I offer a small but important edit:
A thoughtful person is someone who considers and acts on fulfilling other people's needs.
That's the whole game. The gap between intention and action is where most of us lose the thread.
Why This Definition Matters
When you treat thoughtfulness as something you feel rather than something you do, it's easy to let yourself off the hook. You meant to remember the birthday. You meant to write the card. You meant to call your mom.
But your wife, your kid, your best friend — they don't experience your intentions. They experience your actions. A thought you didn't act on doesn't land. A card you didn't write doesn't exist.
The good news: action is a skill. You can get better at it. You can build systems that make the small, consistent actions almost automatic, so the gap between thought and action closes.
What's Coming Next
In my upcoming posts, I'll get into the reasons it actually benefits you to be more thoughtful. You'll be surprised by the health, longevity, and relational upsides of living this way.
Next up: Does being thoughtful actually make you happier?
y:MT is a free app built on exactly this idea: closing the gap between thoughtfulness and action. It remembers every date, keeps a living profile of the people you love, suggests gifts, and writes messages — so being thoughtful isn't something you intend, it's something you do. Try y:MT — free →
Keep reading
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Does Being Thoughtful Actually Make You Happier?
Science says yes. 40% of our happiness comes from intentional acts — and thoughtfulness activates the reward center in your brain. Here's what that means for you.
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Why I Built y:MT
It started with a terrible card that said 'At least we don't kill each other.' The origin story of y:MT — a free app for people who want to be more thoughtful without the stress.
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What Do Men Want in a Relationship?
Appreciation, respect, and a partner who is on his side. A grounded look at what most men want from a relationship, and rarely say out loud.
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The Thoughtful Partner's Holiday Plan: Thanksgiving to Valentine's in 5 Small Moves
Thanksgiving to Valentine's is where good intentions go to die. Five small, dated moves that make you look effortlessly thoughtful.